Author: schmelle

just a guy masturbating his life force away
Posted on

Carrot and Potato Soup

Ingredients:
– 4-5 carrots
– 3-4 potatoes
– salt, pepper

1. Wash and peel the carrots and potatoes.
2. Cut them into small, equal-sized squares.
3. Put them in a pot with water (water should just about cover everything).
4. Put the stove on 6 or 7 (I don’t know how many degrees that is, my stove doesn’t go that way) and cook it until everythings soft. (Until you can comfortably pierce through it with a fork.)
5. Mash everything together until it’s got a rich, orange color.
6. Put in as much salt and pepper as you like.

Enjoy!

Posted on

Words about unpleasant things

shit and vomit are very unpleasant things you usually don’t want to touch
unless you have the hots for that, I guess
but I don’t

so I shit into my toilet
and I also vomit into my toilet
or into a bucket next to my desk if I don’t make it to my toilet
(should I think about how often I have to vomit and look into what I’m doing wrong? nah.)

but today was a special day
I had meatloaf for lunch after not having breakfast
cheap meatloaf
cheap meatloaf where I didn’t know the origin
or how long it had been laying there
(I got the last bit so since it was noon maybe four hours? unless they reuse them. but then they’re probably not allowed to do that)

then four hours later I ate two cheap chocolate croissants from Aldi
these I love
they’re very tasty
probs also shit, but if I’ve eaten them alone without literal shit beforehand I never had problems
problems I could feel and see, anyway

then I went to the gym, and at the end of that my stomach was complaining that it hadn’t gotten any real food yet, and it was complaining so much I got a real bad tummyache (I could’ve written ‘stomachache’ but I like the word tummy. tummy is a nice, cute word)

I got home, sat down on my toilet for a shit (really I’m describing diarrhea here, that’s what it was, ‘shitting’ actually sounds too harmless), and as I sit down, I feel the vomit in my throat

I got up (I hadn’t started to shit yet) and knelt down so I could vomit into my toilet, but as I prepared myself to do exactly that the diarrhea was like, I’m definitely getting out, do you really want me all over your bathroom floor? and I was like: nooooooooo?

so I got back up and sat down on the toilet, and I thought, maybe I can keep the vomit in, like, do it in order?

NO.

I didn’t take any pictures, but as I started to shit, or really, as the diarrhea started to flow out of my asshole, I feel the vomit again, stronger, so I know I’m not capable of holding it back

so I do the only thing I can do at this point in my life:
I try to hold back my hair as much as possible, bow forward towards my shower as much as possible, without getting of the toilet because I didn’t want diarrhea all over my floor, and aim the vomit as good as possible at the shower

now
I didn’t miss completely
some of it went into the shower
all the ugly bits, like what looked like blood, and also undigested meatloaf pieces for some reason (how long does that take, it was in there for at least 10 hours! it should’ve been gone!)
but like half of it also went outside of the shower
real unpleasant
and I couldn’t do anything about it because I was still shitting

once that was done, I cleaned up my butt, and fled from the bathroom because I couldn’t stay in there any longer

then I felt another diarrhea coming up

and I was like “I’m not goint back in there” and, looking behind me, vaguely at my butt “you can’t make me”

luckily I have two bathrooms so that wasn’t an issue

I spent another hour on the other toilet (or more, I don’t know, I wasn’t timing it) until I was kinda sure that it was done
then I got my cleaning tools out and removed the vomit from my shower, and then I used said shower to clean myself

now I’m sitting here in the nude because I’m NOT wasting another pair of underwear and socks and another shirt just to sleep in it

which I will do in like half an hour probably

I hope you will never have to shomit in your life

I didn’t know it was possible

and I shouldn’t have doubted it

good night

Posted on

Glorious Neet-Life

Today I went to bed at 5am. I slept for six hours and got up at 11am. Without even feeling the hour we lost because of DST. Then I made myself some toast with peanut butter.

Then nine hours passed while I sat in my underpants in front of my pc doing nothing, absolutely nothing, of worth for myself or anyone else.

And just now I ate another two toasts, with liver sausage, which tasted great. I’m gonna have more of that. I need it because tomorrow will be tough.

First, I gotta be up and about before 11am because that’s when I have a meeting scheduled with people that will look at my car and try to fix it. Then I gotta go to my ex-eye-doctor and ask for all the documents they have on me, so I can show them to my new-eye-doctor. And in the afternoon a company will call me up for a phone interview so I have to be ready for that as well. Plus the company where I did that two-week internship also will probs call tomorrow and tell me if they want me or not. Which I’m not really sure if I would take it because they had issues, but a job’s a job. Or rather, money is money.

We’ll see.

Can’t someone just give me lots of money that I could spent over the next 50 years? I promise I’ll keep up my current lifestyle which will make me die at 30, 35 max, so it’s not really a longterm investment.

I’d do (almost) anything to make that dream come true.

Posted on

Mapping a webcomic

Outdated (by unknown user)

Up to date (by me, needs still some refinement)[Oh, my image (maybe (?)) contains spoilers if you’re not up-to-date with the comic.]

I like to read webcomics. A lot. One webcomic that I like very much, and that I read every day because its author is crazy and uploads new strips every day, is Dumbing of Age (Link). In today’s strip one character, Faz, mentions that he is plotting a relationship graph featuring all people he has met so far. (Faz is, in-universe and through other work of cartoonist David Willis, very known for his love for graphs.) The comment section then mentioned that they wished to see Faz’ graph, and one user (“A Nonymous”) linked to the outdated version on the Walkypedia. And this led me to thinking that I could do something with my life and improve upon the outdated version.

It should be noted, before I go into detail about how I went forth, that I didn’t so far scroll down and see if another user has already done this for me. I will do that soon, but first I have to get this blogpost out in time.

So I started very simple: I opened up gimp and created a new document in 1920×1080. Then, already, it started getting repetetive. First I used ‘maim’ to copy the webcomics logo into gimp (well, actually, a script that I use for sharing screenshots (using maim to create screenshots) copies the selected area to my clipboard, and then I copy that into gimp), and then I copied all images from Dumbing of Age’s cast page (Link) into gimp and arranged them accordingly. Then, because I was to lazy to figure out how to do proper lines in gimp, I saved my work in gimp, exported the image, started my Windows 7 vm in virtualbox and put the connecting lines in with paint. It does one job, and it does it (…) fine.

Then I saved that, copied it from the vm to my host system and started to write this post, which I will have finished now before Sunday starts so it counts for Saturday.

Thanks for reading.

Posted on

The Adventures of Not-so-smart-boy and Virtualbox-Demon (A trilogy)

Today I installed virtualbox again because I wanted to do some virtualizations. That should be obvious, actually. There’s no other reason to install virtualbox.

What I wanted to do was simple: set up a little Windows XP machine so I can play two simple games:
Wildlife Park 2 and Ski Racing 2005 (feat. Hermann Maier)

Both are absolutely beautiful gems that I loved when I was 12. Both are games I was absolutely shit at when I got them, and then through trial and error (and a little help from friends in understanding one of the games) I became moderately successful. By that I mean I finished all the missions in Wildlife Park (2) and unlocked all courses in Ski Racing (I never drove slalom or giant slalom though. Just super-G and downhill, because slalom has too many goals.).

So I hope I expressed my love for WLP2 and SR2005 enough. Last year in July, before I left for the GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH, I already once tried to satisfy my nostalgia for a better and more uncomplicated time in my life, by installing virtualbox. Sadly, I wasn’t successfull. The shitty piece of software tried telling me the friggin’ driver wasn’t loaded, even after restarts.

So I said “Fuck Oracle!”, removed virtualbox and its dependencies, and tried to ignore the hole in my soul.

But yesterday I visited a friend who still has his old XP desktop, and we played a bit WLP2 and I was right back in it.

So I installed virtualbox, and surely, the driver didn’t load. But this time smarty boy didn’t give up. Instead he tried to find the driver, reloaded it, and the shitty thing works perfectly.

I was ~very~ furious.

So now I have two VMs running XP Professional and Home, and none of my games work. Because probably the processor is too fast and that shits it up. At least for Ski Racer. Wildlife Park apparently doesn’t like being run in a VM because Deep Silver is fucking with me with their shitty FrontLine DRM.

I’ll feel like I have to get an old pc now.

Fuck Oracle.