shit and vomit are very unpleasant things you usually don’t want to touch
unless you have the hots for that, I guess
but I don’t
so I shit into my toilet
and I also vomit into my toilet
or into a bucket next to my desk if I don’t make it to my toilet
(should I think about how often I have to vomit and look into what I’m doing wrong? nah.)
but today was a special day
I had meatloaf for lunch after not having breakfast
cheap meatloaf
cheap meatloaf where I didn’t know the origin
or how long it had been laying there
(I got the last bit so since it was noon maybe four hours? unless they reuse them. but then they’re probably not allowed to do that)
then four hours later I ate two cheap chocolate croissants from Aldi
these I love
they’re very tasty
probs also shit, but if I’ve eaten them alone without literal shit beforehand I never had problems
problems I could feel and see, anyway
then I went to the gym, and at the end of that my stomach was complaining that it hadn’t gotten any real food yet, and it was complaining so much I got a real bad tummyache (I could’ve written ‘stomachache’ but I like the word tummy. tummy is a nice, cute word)
I got home, sat down on my toilet for a shit (really I’m describing diarrhea here, that’s what it was, ‘shitting’ actually sounds too harmless), and as I sit down, I feel the vomit in my throat
I got up (I hadn’t started to shit yet) and knelt down so I could vomit into my toilet, but as I prepared myself to do exactly that the diarrhea was like, I’m definitely getting out, do you really want me all over your bathroom floor? and I was like: nooooooooo?
so I got back up and sat down on the toilet, and I thought, maybe I can keep the vomit in, like, do it in order?
NO.
I didn’t take any pictures, but as I started to shit, or really, as the diarrhea started to flow out of my asshole, I feel the vomit again, stronger, so I know I’m not capable of holding it back
so I do the only thing I can do at this point in my life:
I try to hold back my hair as much as possible, bow forward towards my shower as much as possible, without getting of the toilet because I didn’t want diarrhea all over my floor, and aim the vomit as good as possible at the shower
now
I didn’t miss completely
some of it went into the shower
all the ugly bits, like what looked like blood, and also undigested meatloaf pieces for some reason (how long does that take, it was in there for at least 10 hours! it should’ve been gone!)
but like half of it also went outside of the shower
real unpleasant
and I couldn’t do anything about it because I was still shitting
once that was done, I cleaned up my butt, and fled from the bathroom because I couldn’t stay in there any longer
then I felt another diarrhea coming up
and I was like “I’m not goint back in there” and, looking behind me, vaguely at my butt “you can’t make me”
luckily I have two bathrooms so that wasn’t an issue
I spent another hour on the other toilet (or more, I don’t know, I wasn’t timing it) until I was kinda sure that it was done
then I got my cleaning tools out and removed the vomit from my shower, and then I used said shower to clean myself
now I’m sitting here in the nude because I’m NOT wasting another pair of underwear and socks and another shirt just to sleep in it
which I will do in like half an hour probably
I hope you will never have to shomit in your life
I didn’t know it was possible
and I shouldn’t have doubted it
good night